Domestic vs International (by Joe)

Thanks for the question! At this time we are not looking at foreign adoption. In general, international adoptions can take 2-5 years. Also, many countries have very strict rules (age, marriage length requirements, no mental health or disabilities, having to stay in the country for 6+ weeks while everything is sorted out). While the odds of a failed adoption are very low with foreign adoptions, if the adoption fails you're out all of the money you put in. One of the families in our adoption circle lost $40,000 when Russia closed international adoptions for US families, and if we took that risk and failed our only chance at that point (it'd be a very small chance) would be an independent adoption and we've had zero luck on that avenue thus far. 

Another thing with foreign adoptions is that the children are usually around 2-3 years old. While our home study allows us to adopt children up to age 5, we're hoping for a newborn.

Hopefully that answers the question. If anybody else has anything they're wondering, please let us know!

The Adoption Lottery (by Joe)

Another question that people ask a lot is, what you do while you’re waiting to be matched? While it’s pretty much just waiting, we get monthly updates from most of the agencies we’re working with about how many times our profile has been shown. There are also situations that we apply for that are outside of our agencies. Rachel finds these situations on her own through various adoption communities she’s a part of, and those situations are the subject of this post.

We hear of anywhere between one and ten situations a week this way, and if the situation works for us we apply for it. That’s when the Adoption Lottery begins. Pretty much everybody has dreamed of winning the lottery. When you buy the lottery ticket you know that the odds are very low that you’ll win, but you still think about what it would be like if you did. An adoption is the same (though the odds are a lot better than winning the lottery). You know that there are a dozen other families applying for the same situation and that the odds are against you. However, you still get that "what if" feeling and start hoping that maybe this will be the child you’re meant to raise. You start looking at the date the child is due to figure out how much time you have to get everything figured out, and if it’s out of state, what the travel will be like. How long will you need to be out of state? Are you going to fly, drive, or take the train? What hotel should we stay at? How big of a car do we need to rent? What are the travel restrictions for newborns? All of these questions occupy your mind until you hear back from the agency and find out you weren't selected. But that’s okay. That just means that it wasn't meant to be, and there's no time to worry about what might have been. The next situation is right around the corner and you have to get ready to repeat the process again, because maybe, just maybe, the next one will be the child you've been waiting for.

Adoption Update (by Joe)

I get asked frequently about how the adoption is going and yesterday had a lot of action on that front, so here it goes.

I know most people probably aren't too familiar with the adoption process, and when it's complete and you have the child it's great. It's getting there that's difficult. As Rachel described it, yesterday was an emotional roller coaster, and the worst day we've had in the process since the failed adoption last year. We were told of a situation Tuesday for an African American child that was born a month ago, and the scenario was perfect for us. The fees were about $15,000 less than a typical adoption because the the child was already born, she was in Missouri so it was only about an 8 hour train ride, no drugs, alcohol, or mental health issues, and the birthmother was open to any race for the adoptive couple, and they wanted to child picked up next week. There were only 5 couples that they could find that were interested, so we had a 20% chance. Yesterday morning we heard from the agency, and the birthmother decided she wanted to see more profiles since she now wanted a family that had one African American/Biracial parent or child, so that one fell through.

Later that afternoon Rachel received a phone call from an adoption lawyer that was working on a case where a baby boy was born 10 weeks premature and the previous family had backed out. The lawyer was desperately trying to find a new family for him asap. The birthmother had already signed over her parental rights so there was no possibility of another failed adoption. The up front fees were fairly reasonable as well. I had to call him to talk about some insurance stuff and everything was going great until he said that the child was in Arkansas, and one or both of us would need to be there for 6 weeks until he was at normal birth weight and could be released from the hospital. With the medical expenses, travel, lodging, food, and car rental, those hidden fees would bring us way over our budget, so we had to pass on that one. After all the time we've spent waiting, and the failed match, it was very difficult to pass on it, but there was no way we could afford it.

Thankfully, once the adoption is all done and we have our baby, none of this will matter. Right now the roller coaster is at the bottom of the tracks, but we're nearing that final incline. Maybe one day I'll tell our future child the story of how everything worked out in a How I Met Your Mother-esque manner (I'm watching that right now, so that's where the idea came from.)

--Joe 

So Close to Being a Mom…

I’m sorry that it has been so long since our last adoption update. It has been a crazy last couple of months.

In early August Joe and I were finally matched. The expectant mother lives in Maine and was due in October with a baby boy. We spent the next few months finishing up the nursery, making travel arrangements, and buying all the necessary items to care for a newborn. We were stressed, nervous, and excited all at the same time! It was hard to believe that our dream of becoming parents was coming true.

About two weeks ago we found out that the baby would be born via C-section on the morning of October 2^nd. We had planned to leave for Maine on September 29^th. On Friday, one day before we were due to leave, we received a phone call that would once again turn our world upside down.

The expectant mother had changed her mind. It is unclear what happened but she is now insisting that we are not the couple she had chosen to raise her child. At this moment we are not sure if she will choose another adoptive couple or parent the baby herself. Regardless of what she decides, we truly wish the best for both mom and baby.

We are understandably heartbroken. However, we are trying to remain hopeful. We know that our little one will find us one day.

Pass Them On!

A few weeks ago we decided to order adoption pass along cards from http://www.adoptionpassalongcards.com. We hope to use these cards to get our names out there and let people know that we are hoping to adopt.

For those of you that aren’t familiar with adoption pass along cards, they are typically used as a valuable networking tool.  The idea is to get as many of these business cards out there as possible in hopes that they’ll land in the hands of someone who is thinking of placing their child for adoption.

We’ve heard numerous success stories from other adoptive couples who used pass along cards. Often their child’s birthmother found them through a family friend, a former neighbor, a co-worker, etc. The point is that you just never know what will happen when you pass out one of these cards. If you’d like to help us become a family of three, please keep a few of our cards in your purse or wallet and look for opportunities to give them out

If you interested in passing these cards along to your friends/family/colleagues, please e-mail me at family@rachelandjoeadopt.com. Be sure to include your mailing address and the number of cards you’d like.

The Agape Project

I recently came across this beautiful video about adoption. It was so touching that I had to share it with everyone! 

Here is a description of the video that I found on YouTube

"The Agape Project is a personal project that involved birth moms and adoptive families to show how much love there is in adoption. I wanted to create an awareness video to educate others on adoption. It has been such a huge part of my life and has made my dreams come true. I hope anyone considering to place their child for adoption will be moved after watching this amazing video". -Briana Marie 

For more information visit. http://www.TheAgapeProject.net

Being Active and Getting Ready

Here is a long overdue update on how the adoption is going. Sorry for the delay but we have been pretty busy over the last couple of weeks.

On Friday, February 24th we received a phone call from Jenny, a social worker with Adoptions of Wisconsin. She informed us that AOW had an unexpected opening in their pool of waiting families and the spot was ours if we wanted it! Of course we said yes and we are now officially ACTIVE! It was a wonderful surprise, especially when we didn’t expect to be put in the waiting pool until April or May. Now we just have to wait for the phone call that will change our lives.

The Tuesday after going active we got an inquiry from AOW. They were going to start working with a law firm in another state. It was our choice whether or not this law firm would have access to our profile. We were told that adoptions in this state can cost upwards of $40k (Compared to $24-28k in Wisconsin). This law firm had birthmothers waiting to be matched and no waiting adoptive families. After discussing the opportunity Joe and I decided not to have our information provided to the firm. There was just too much financial risk. If we had a failed adoption through the law firm there was a good chance we wouldn’t have enough money to try again. Although this was a difficult decision, it was the right one for us.

To keep ourselves occupied during the wait we have been preparing for the baby. For one, we recently purchased a few essential baby items (car seat, binkies, diaper bag, etc.). I have also been researching cloth diapering (which is a lot more complicated than you might think). I am so grateful to have friends with experience in cloth diapering (thanks Kristen and Erin). They have really helped me sort through all of the information.

We’ve also started working on the nursery. Below you can see a couple pictures of what the nursery looked like before we started fixing it up. At this point we have painted the walls and the new carpet is due to be installed in a couple of weeks. After the carpet is in I will be sure to post more pictures. Our next step will be to purchase furniture items such as a crib and dresser. 

Slight Delay

About a week ago we learned that we would not be put in the pool of waiting families in January like originally thought. It turns out another AOW couple’s adoption fell through. As a result, they will not be coming off the waiting list (we were going to take their spot). Unfortunately, our social worker now believes we won’t be put in the pool for another 3 to 4 months (April-May).

As you can imagine, we were disappointed to hear this news. In an attempt to keep my mind off of it I’ve started trying to network. I’ve been told by other adoptive families that most matches occur because of interpersonal connections (someone’s cousin’s roommate’s younger sister is looking to make an adoption plan for their child). I honestly have no idea what I’m doing. However, I thought I’d give it a shot!

We are using two main tools to network;

Website: www.rachelandjoeadopt.com

Facebook Page: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Rachel-Joe-Hoping-to-Adopt/143911249056771  

I am truly overwhelmed with all of the support we've received through our facebook page (we currently have 70 ‘likes’). So many people have been more than willing to share our page on their profile. They have also given us a lot of encouraging words and well wishes. It is wonderful to know we have so much support! Adoption can be a rough road and I know there will be times that we'll need to draw on that support to help us stay calm and composed.

An Update for the New Year

Since it is officially 2012, I decided to write a long overdue adoption update.

The social worker came to our house for the final adoption home visit on December 9^th. She needed to come and look over our home to make sure it was a suitable environment to raise a child. As you could imagine, I was a nervous wreck! I spent a lot of time cleaning the house from top to bottom (even though the social worker had assured us that it wouldn’t be a white glove test). Joe did a wonderful job helping me to stay calm. It turns out my worries were groundless. At the end of the meeting our social worker let us know that our home study was approved! It was a wonderful feeling. Also, our second sets of fingerprints were processed without issue. This means we are all ready to be put in the pool of waiting families. We are due to be put in the pool sometime in January. I will make sure to post another blog once we know when we will be officially waiting.

Since the last visit we have been keeping busy with holiday preparations and gatherings. Now that Christmas and New Year’s is over we will start putting together the nursery. This should be an interesting endeavor since I am not skilled at interior decorating. I plan to ask for a lot of help and opinions! Hopefully my lack of creativity doesn’t prevent us from making a beautiful room for our future son or daughter.

Home Study Update

Yesterday Joe and I had our first Home Study meeting. I was very nervous because I knew the social worker would ask very personal questions about our families and how we were raised. Luckily it wasn’t as bad as I expected. Our social worker is very nice and easy to talk to. She also assured us that nothing she heard would keep us from adopting (Yay!). Yesterday we found out that we are second in line to be put in the pool of families birth mothers have to choose from. That means there is only one family between us and officially being on the waiting list to be matched! We still have two more meetings to get through before our Home Study is complete. On 12/2 we take our second trip to Madison. Then, on 12/9 the social worker will come to our house to make sure we can provide a safe environment for a child. Hopefully both those meetings go just as well as the first.

All of the paperwork for the Home Study has been submitted. However, we need to get our fingerprints retaken. Our first batch was rejected by the state’s background check system. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that the second time will be the charm. Our parent profile has also been completed, printed, and shipped to the agency. We are also almost done with our adoption education! It has been a very busy month to say the least. Hopefully our hard work will pay off and we will be in the pool of waiting families sometime in January.

Joe and I have also started thinking about readying the baby’s room. I think we are going to start by carpeting and painting the room we plan to use for the nursery. After that’s done we will be able to focus on the more fun aspects of preparing for the new little one. For me, preparing for the baby is what will keep me from going insane during our wait. It’s a lot of fun to look for ideas online. Since we don’t know the sex of the baby we will be matched with, the nursery will be decorated to work for either.

Conquering the Mountain of Paperwork

Joe and I are in the middle of completing the paperwork for our home study. Last week we both had our physicals, complete with blood tests for every disease known to man (Okay, I may be exaggerating a little bit). I am happy to report that all of the tests came back negative. There was a little hang up with my health form (what the doctor needs to complete and send to the agency). It took them a long time to find a health professional who could confirm that Larsen’s Syndrome does not shorten life expectancy. Luckily they were able to get a hold of someone at the Waisman Center in Madison (where my Larsen’s was monitored when I was a child).  

This week we sent in documentation verifying that all four of our cats are up to date on their shots. We also had to send in paperwork to prove our income, insurance coverage, family background, and pretty much anything else you can think of. Wednesday we took a trip to our local law enforcement agency to get fingerprinted. As you can see we have been very busy!

Although the paperwork can be very overwhelming, we are finally starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. We only have a few more forms that need to be submitted. Also, our parent profile is almost complete (YAY!). Our next step will be working on our 18 credits of adoption education. I just keep reminding myself that after this craziness is over all we will have to do is wait and prepare for the baby. Besides, the paperwork is a small thing when compared to the joys of raising a child.

Weekend Break

This weekend we took a break from the overwhelming mountain of adoption paperwork and went to Oktoberfest with some close friends of ours. While we were there we couldn’t resist making a couple purchases.

We found this very cute painted wood cutout. We were shocked that they actually had one for four cats!

We also made our first baby purchase. I couldn’t pass up this adorable cow hat.  

Moving Forward

Thanks to our wonderful friends and family we have been able to gather more than enough high quality pictures for our parent profile. This means that we were able to move on to the next step sooner than expected. Now we are focused on writing the text portion of our profile. This has proved to be very challenging. As you can imagine, it is not easy trying to find the words to adequately describe your partner, lifestyle, family, and parenting style. 

We would like to take a moment to thank Tina, a photographer friend of ours. She spent an afternoon with us taking a lot of pictures around our home and community. These pictures will work wonderfully within our profile. As you can see from the pictures below, she does very good work. Her website is http://tinaharpold.smugmug.com/

Since we have made good gains in developing our profile, Joe and I have decided to submit our application to the adoption agency. The agency is 'Adoptions of Wisconsin' http://www.adoptionsofwisconsin.com. They have wonderful placement rates, great reviews, and are very prompt and informative when answering our questions. We are excited to start working with them.

Picture Troubles

We are currently in the process of gathering pictures for our parent profile. For those who don’t know, a parent profile is basically a book about Joe and I that will be shown to birth parents. The pictures are the most important part of a profile because it helps birth parents to visualize what our lives are like (hobbies, family, est).

Unfortunately, I have been struggling trying to find pictures. For one, Joe avoids the camera whenever possible. Despite this, I currently have more (useable) pictures of him then I do of myself. This is because most of my pictures are on Facebook and are not high enough quality to use in a profile. I was told to track photos to their original source.  Easier said than done! I lost all of my pictures when my computer crashed and I have no idea where my more recent SD cards are. 

Right now we have about 30 pictures. My goal is to get 40 to 50 so that we have some options on which ones to put in the profile. There are still some pictures I am trying to track down. However, if anyone happens to have pictures of Joe and I, either together or separate, that are fairly recent, please let me know.

Welcome Everyone

I guess I’ll start off by announcing that Joe and I are planning to adopt a baby. I’ve decided to start a blog to keep our friends and family informed on how the adoption journey is going. Adoption is a very complicated process and will include a lot of excitement, stress, and insurmountable joy.  

For many of you this announcement will not come as much of a surprise. I have known for a long time that my genetic disorder would most likely make having a biological child medically risky. After getting some testing results, we’ve decided that adoption is the best way for us to start our family. We are both prepared, and excited, to start the process.

Since formally making the decision to adopt I have been doing a lot of research. I started by talking with agencies, references, and adoption professionals. Although it has been a lot of work, I’ve been having fun with this initial part of the process. Joe and I are actually pretty sure we know which agency (and program) we would like to work with. However, I’m going to hold off posting the name of the agency until we decide for sure. We actually have a phone conference scheduled with them tomorrow night. After the phone call I’m sure we will have a more concrete idea of where we want to go from here. I will, of course, keep this blog updated every step of the way.

Are you ready to join us as we start this wonderful roller-coaster experience? Hang on! Here we go!